Yeshua's Love

 As you know I am really bad with keeping up with my blog.  Sigh.  Nothing new.  I occasionally think about posting something but then I am all like.........nah.  It's not like anyone reads my blogs anyway. So to catch you up to speed (yeah, I have no idea who I am talking to right now) but I left Social Security on June 30th of this year 2023.  Was unemployed till August then I got a part time job at Chili's as a food runner then also host.  Then in September I got on with Walmart as an overnight stocker but I am trying to go to closing cashier and the work load as a stocker is way too much for my body with all my various issues.  I have to face facts.  I am an old man and my diabetes and such make physical labor very hard.  Not impossible but it wears me out.       Sol enough whinning, there is way too much happening in the world for me to whine.   The number of natural disasters has dramatically increased...

  In honor of my mom Maria Pamela Brewer July 10th, 1946 - May 5th, 2023 Eulogy First of all I want to thank everyone for being here to honor my mom, who served as a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, but most of all a daughter of Yeshua Hamashiach also known as Jesus the Christ, Savior of mankind.  What can I say to honor the woman who gave birth to me? She cared for me, as she did for all those she loved, people often took advantage of her caring nature which I know hurt her more than she would say.  She spoke truth into my life and all who would even have a chance encounter with her.  She was human so she wore her heart on her sleeve but even as the negative of human emotions would come flooding out you knew exactly where you stood with her.  There was no pretending, no falseness to her, what you saw is what you got. She fiercely protected me and I always knew that no matter what,  I always had a roof over my head, a well cooked meal in m...

 Not sure where I was going with this on January 9th, 2023 so I though I was just say hi so............... hi Jesus is Lord and will easily be the best decision you will every make.   Death or life, choose life, choose Jesus.  

  First of all I want to apologize for the extremely large font, but my eyes are getting worse.  I am just trying to stay honest.  Thank you for your understanding.  I honestly believe "God is good" is the greatest understatement ever uttered on this tiny little planet we call earth,   I don't think we will ever know how true that is until we get to heaven.  So much has happened as far as my faith goes in the last five months.  God has been pulling at my heart and the sins that I was caught up in, that I detested with all my being have been purged from my life completely.  That doesn't mean that I am to let my guard down.  It means that God as forgiven me and cleansed me with His precious blood.  I want to show Yeshua that I love Him with all my heart, sould, mind and strength.  I am not going to let anyone or anything (especially me) get in the way of my relationship with Yeshua ever again,  The price He paid on the cross...

 So I am here at home and suddenly decided to blog a lil something. Life as settled into a somewhat day in and day out kind of vibe. Alex had his surgery this past Tuesday so he now has no toes on his right foot. They didn't have any skin to cover the wound so he has to stay off his foot as much as possible so avoid further complications This means I am left to do all the chores on top of cooking and other things. I started this blog a couple of days ago and didn't finish so here it is Monday I took him early this morning to see the doctor and now I am at work, at home waiting for a callers FO nto answer for a question I have.    

 Last night I went to bed and had the craziest night.   First I dreamed that I was with a group of people and we were all given a large sum of cash in a parking lot.  As we were walking a woman came up and asked if we could help her with some money.  Only I gave her some money.  At the edge of the parking lot was a chain link fence and I started finding money.  50 dollars here, over a 100 there and everything in between.  One girl in the group saw this and started looking for the woman to give her money but she was gone.   Then I woke up to my special pain and took Tylenol right away but lucky the pain only lasted like five minutes. Thanks to the special pain and severe allergies I slept until 1pm, which is super late for me.  Anyway, I wanted to write this down before I forgot.  That's it for now.  Bye

 Here it is a Saturday morning not too earl, ten am to be exact.  I just got home for grabbing some coffee as the,,,you know...it actually doesn't matter.   So as you can see, it's been awhile since I've blogged and as always a lot has taken place.   Part of me wants to go into detail but most of me is already tired at the thought of trying to blog what has happened recently and not so recently.   Let me actually catch up with what's going on with Alex.  He is down to three toes with the big one dead and one ready to fall off.  Monday he goes in so they can determine blood flow to his foot but at this point it's just a matter of time before they cut off the remaining toes and part of the foot as well.  He's taking it one day at a time but it's messing with his mind.  I'm trying to be as supportive as I can under the circumstances.  The circumstances I will explain in the next paragraph.   So as you know I have be...

As I sit at the dining room table, it's fairly early in the morning (8:33am) and the house is very quiet.  I've been up since around 6:30am.  I made coffee,  made some crispy, buttery green chile hashbrowns in the oven (pretty delicious but very spicy lol), took a very relaxing hot shower.  The last one is important because my dad and Gary finally got here, took out the old, boring shower/tub combo and installed a new walk in shower for us.  We bought the base and door and they did the rest.  I broke the shower in this am and it was easily the best shower of my life so far.   I don't want to get emotional but I also want to note my current relationship status with my father.  It's always been strained at best and while I should go into detail for context I don't have the strength right now.  Suffice to say that the previous two times I had seen him I was pretty cold in my attitude.  We hashed it out (or so I thought (damn it, now I'...

 I don't know if pre coffee even deserves a hyphen in the title but I out one anyway.  It's my own weird way of rebelling....and now I don't know what to say or rather type  now so I'm sitting here in awkwardness lol but that's ok.   So I'm sitting here at Starbucks on a mid Saturday morning with Alex who actually doesn't like Starbucks but was willing to come sit with me because I have been Door Dashing after work all week so we haven't spent too much time together.  That was super sweet of him to come with.   In a little bit I'm going to go Door Dash.  Only for awhile though.  I am thinking.  I don't know.  I also applied at a pub called The Brewlab 101.  It would be cool if I could work there instead of Door Dashing as the Door Dashing currently isn't worth the trouble due to increasing gas prices. Plus it would just be cool to work there. At any rate, this is going to be a short blog today. Thanks for reading, ttyl. Lo...

 Well, I finally get around to writing a blog on Alex and I don't know what to write.   I guess I will just Mr Spock it. In other words just talk about our times together as just the facts.  I'm  not sure I can pull that off or not.  At any rate, here goes. So   today I would like to talk about my husband Alex. First off he makes me laugh like no other. Second of all as much as I want to choke him (and him choke me) I seriously can't imagine my life without him.  We have carved out a pretty comfy life with him, me and our three cats Edga, Allen and Poe of whom we adore so much.  Those with cats are in the know. We met three years ago in January 2019, met in person March 2019. by the end of 2019 we were committed to each other.  In August 2019 we got engaged and November 23rd, 2019 we got married through the church only (not through the government).  Log story short though, we had talked about getting married legally but when I ...

 I know what your thinking.  "Lazy Sunday" as a title to your latest blog?  Seems too easy doesn't it? Yes.  Yes, it does which is why I did. I was just remarking to my husband that it's a miracle that I am blogging within a couple of weeks of my last blog.  Of course he responds with a Mel Brooks movie quote "Let's go Miracle!" I don't know why but I hate Sundays.  I very rarely feel at ease on Sundays.  For one no matter what I do on Saturday I just can't seem to get any type of proper sleep resulting in sleeping in till 11am, 12pm, 1pm.  I hate this because it then feels like I have wasted half a day just sleeping.  This usually happens when on Saturday night I make plans for doing things on Sunday. Of course this is most likely not true, however, it makes me feel good to think so.   Yeah...I don't know why either.  Yesterday we hung out with Ruby, Brad and Ryan.  Ruby being the sister of Alex, Brad being her boyfriend ...

 I've spent most my life living in a gangstas paradise jk I actually have spent most my life trying to change or modify the behavior, attitudes, thinking, etc of all those around me.  Usually to suit my own purposes.   People tell you life lessons as a young person and with me personally I knew that it was important to implement the lesson into my life only I didn't fully understand what I was being told or I didn't know how to incorporate said lesson into my life or some kind of combination of both.  Update:  This is 3/22/22 and I just finished writing a blog when I stumbled across this one that I obviously had started only who knows when.  It's a strange intro to say the least.   I'm still at Starbucks doing my blog thing and such.  I've attempted to write a book at least a couple of times in my life with one time getting as far as six chapters when the hard drive on my laptop crashes and you know who didn't have anything backed up....

 I honestly do not know how this happens.  I blog with the intention of blogging WAY more often than I do and suddenly I find myself going months between blogs.  It's freaking crazy! The one thing I do like about my blogs is that I typically write small paragraphs as I feel they are more easily digestible....hopefully. At any rate, here I am, back with my thoughts, somewhat.  I wish there was a device that could take your thoughts and put them down into your computer or what not.  I have some intense thoughts sometimes but my brain is quicker than my hands so I lose a lot of thoughts this way.   Not to mention the late night thinking, you know, the time of night when we should all be sleeping instead of stinking thinking.  LOL.  Check me out busting a rhyme now I need a drink with some lime. Ha! I did it again!    So here I an at Starbucks.  I called into work this morning and then slept until 2pm.  I still feel a bit fuzz...

 So here we are.  The year 2022.  Off topic really quickly (yeah right) do you know what I love the best about blogging?  I can make as many abbreviated sentences as I want  Yeah, that didn't come out nearly as exciting as I thought it was going to.  At any rate here it is the year 2022 and so much has gone down.  Alex and I celebrated two years in November since we took our "vows" before God.  It feels like we are roommates at this point though.  I haven't worn my ring in I think three days.  Alex hasn't noticed or at the very least he hasn't said anything.  We also both contracted the virus at the end of November.  Less than a week later I started my new job with Social Security with the call center.  I finally got me a government job, so excited but it's going to be pretty stressful for the first couple of years.  Oh, well lol.  I'm pretty tired right now.  I only got a couple of hours of sleep last night...

 I came here to type all the things there were floating around in my head.  Now that I sit to type they all evasively float away, not run or flee but float......just out of my reach, taunting, mocking.     So many things I wanted to write about but it's hard to organize the random thoughts.   Looking back at my childhood I now know I was in survival mode for lack of a better term.  Now here I am a middle age man. wondering how I got to be where I am.  Normally I would digress but tonight I am just leaving it up to you to fill in the blanks.     So many things happened in my childhood, so many things I don't remember.    After I gave my life to Yeshua I learned through the bible and teachings and preaching of the love of the Father.  I was thinking about this earlier and had come to a reality about my relationship with the Father which shocked me but made perfect sense,  Now I can't remember what it was.   I ...

 I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting right now.  I was getting ready for bed when I went to turn off my computer for the night and thought of how I'm always saying I should post more blogs but then I go months in between blogs.  After all it's only been a couple of days since I last blogged.  Maybe due to my failing eyesight I am trying to just enjoy the remaining bit of eyesight I do have left.  For instance this screen is pretty blurry but not to the point that I can't read what I am typing....if that makes any sense at all.  Paulina used to say that all the time.  The if it makes any sense part that is.     I'm trying to describe where I am with Yeshua at the present moment but I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts.  The last couple of months have been a tremendous mix of doubt, confusion, triumph, elation, strength, weakness, joy, happiness, love, peace, uncertainty......not all at once granted. It has been exhausting and ...

 So here it is the later part of September and despite my vows to blog more often my somewhat reluctant ie lazy ways have defeated that purpose once more. Well never fear my faithful readers as I am here right now and right now we shall have a discourse on the things of Yeshua with some tiny updates on yours truly (that would be me),   To start off my eyesight due to my diabetes is growing worse. To the point that an eye doctor told me that she doesn't expect me to pass my next drivers test.  What she didn't know is that my license is good until 2027. Soooooo...yeah....I'm good for awhile.  I think.  Heh. As far as my weight goes I'm holding at around 180 lbs no matter what I do.  My body is so freaking awesome at times and annoying at other times.  Let's talk about Yeshua (my favorite subject/person/God).   I had been watching youtube videos on people who say they have been to hell and saw a lot of Christians there which completely freaked me out...

 One of the things I like to do with this blog is come up with hopefully interesting titles for my blogs.  So at the very least you were entertained for a moment before reading the actual blog.   Heh,  Well, to be fair to myself, I'm honestly trying to be more kind to myself as I have been hurt by people in my past and present and most likely future. I, also have hurt people both intentionally and unintentionally as well, much to my shame.   I'm still tired.   Relationships are extremely hard. I do have a new car though.  I rear ended this guy named Kenneth (yeah, I know.) on my way home from work this past Friday, the end result being that my Nissan Sentra's hood is bent in half and the passenger headlight is hanging out of it's socket.  By 9PM on Saturday I had a one times used 2019 Hyundai Elantra in red (my favorite color).  I love it.   I do plan on doing a lot of door dashing because for the first time ever I wi...

Yeah, I cant remember if I posted yet for 2021.  Honestly I'm having a hard time doing this blog as I have been on my computer all day and thanks to my diabetes my vision is all messed up. When I started this blog I thought it would be the most candid this I've ever done.  Now I have my doubts. So much has gone and yet probably in the scheme of eternity I've been acting like a wilting flower. I don't know what kind of flower.....pansy?  I only said that because it's a deragotary term for gay people, most often men. I've heard that the pansy is the strongest flower in existence though.    To give a break down: I'm sick I'm tired I'm uncertain of my future but most of all I'm having a crisis of faith.  I don't doubt anything about what Yeshua has done for me or will do. I doubt my love for Him. How do I keep proclaiming my love for Him while I keep doing the things that I do? My heart hurts. My soul is weary,. I cry for His mercy and I long for...

 It's funny....ironic funny not ha ha funny that I think about blogging all the time and all the time I think I will do it at a later time, at a specific later time.  Such as I was thinking about blogging two nights ago but then thought that I should do it on my day off, which is today.  So here it is today and as almost always it was not how I thought my day would go.  For starters I stayed away until 1:30am watching videos and messing around on my phone.  When my alarm went off at 6am I stayed awake for an hour but then ended up falling asleep until almost 10am.  Sheesh.  I didn't do much of anything today expect make myself breakfast which was fried pappitas with scrambled Just Egg.  I did manage to work of a composure I was having some issues with and managed to make some headway, which is good.  Other than that I did nothing and now I feel like I've wasted my day.  I hate that I am not a morning person and that I thrive more at nigh...