May.....be 2021

 One of the things I like to do with this blog is come up with hopefully interesting titles for my blogs.  So at the very least you were entertained for a moment before reading the actual blog.  

Heh,  Well, to be fair to myself, I'm honestly trying to be more kind to myself as I have been hurt by people in my past and present and most likely future. I, also have hurt people both intentionally and unintentionally as well, much to my shame.  

I'm still tired.  


Relationships are extremely hard.


I do have a new car though.  I rear ended this guy named Kenneth (yeah, I know.) on my way home from work this past Friday, the end result being that my Nissan Sentra's hood is bent in half and the passenger headlight is hanging out of it's socket.  By 9PM on Saturday I had a one times used 2019 Hyundai Elantra in red (my favorite color).  I love it.  


I do plan on doing a lot of door dashing because for the first time ever I will be making car payments for quite awhile to come.  At any rate, it is what it is.  


My relationship with God has been a struggle for several years now but I've been watching Lion Of Judah and Kirby Ministry videos which has greatly helped. 


However, I feel like such a failure in every aspect of my life.

My relationship with Yeshua,

My relationship with Alex.

My job,

My health. 


I have been planning on making videos about the bible (mostly just reading scripture and allowing God to speak through me should He desire to do so. 

I've been planning on making these videos since January 2021 but have yet to seen even one come to be. Sigh.

At the very least though I'm blogging today.  That's got to count for something right?

So, anyways, I'm all done for today, talk or blog with you later.

Thanks for letting me vent.


Kenneth Paul Maese

Wayward disciple of Yeshua who is Lord, God, and King. 

PS the videos I've watched from former Christians and now atheists have or rather really messed with my head for a bit but now it's all getting sorted with just a touch of lingering doubt which I am fighting tooth and nail. I'll never disclaim my Savior Yesua, never. 



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