Salvation

 I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting right now.  I was getting ready for bed when I went to turn off my computer for the night and thought of how I'm always saying I should post more blogs but then I go months in between blogs.  After all it's only been a couple of days since I last blogged.  Maybe due to my failing eyesight I am trying to just enjoy the remaining bit of eyesight I do have left.  For instance this screen is pretty blurry but not to the point that I can't read what I am typing....if that makes any sense at all.  Paulina used to say that all the time.  The if it makes any sense part that is.  

  I'm trying to describe where I am with Yeshua at the present moment but I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts.  The last couple of months have been a tremendous mix of doubt, confusion, triumph, elation, strength, weakness, joy, happiness, love, peace, uncertainty......not all at once granted. It has been exhausting and amazing.  No matter what happens I have clung tightly to my God, Yeshua, and I never ever want to let go of Him  He knows my sins as great and grotesque as they are and He has called me into His arms despite my willful pride and rebellion.  He placed His hand gently upon my heart as it broke and I cried with remorse for the evil I had done.  Tenderly He wiped away my tears and spoke loving restoration to my soul. His peace that surpasses all understanding flooded my soul as He held me close and reminded me that never would He leave me nor forsake me....never.  True that it takes me a great deal of time to comprehend things, especially of a spiritual nature but never have I ever wanted to let go of my Yeshua.  I always longed to be free and happy, holy and sanctified, a man after Gods own heart.  

  My only goal in life is to hear Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of thine God"

  My worst fear is to hear Him say, "Depart from me thou worker of iniquity, I never knew thee"

  Since my twenties I've shared the gospel with others though I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing.  I tried to take a step of faith and believe that God would handle the words that needed to be spoken.  For the last few months I've felt God telling me I need to share His salvation with others but I kept asking, "How?"  Then I was watching a preacher/teacher on Youtube that talked about how we think that saying a prayer of salvation earns us a ticket to heaven but it doesn't......necessarily.  

  It aids but is not a magic spell for a one way trip to heaven.  Why does a person need salvation, why does a person need Yeshua, why does a person need to give their life to Yeshua....all these things I had been debating in my head for decades.  

  It all comes down to this........Do you believe?

  That one questions seems to simple and yet is by far the most complex question I have ever heard. 

  Do I believe.  

  Do I believe that my willful sin has caused myself and others pain (sometimes I have caused extreme pain to others because of my sin) and yes it's hard to regard my own sin while trying not to justify, deny or blame others for what I did of my own free will.  

  Do I believe what the bible says about Yeshua and who Yeshua says He is about Himself.  Do I believe that without Him I will have never known the true peace, love, joy, forgiveness of my relationship with the Son of God, the one who created me and everything in all the universes.  My Yeshua who promised me that even though life will be hard, unfair, sad, lonely, beautiful, wondrous, exasperating, lovely He would always be there for me.  Good times and bad times, times when I thought I could not take another step and times when I felt like I could conquer the world.  Times surrounded by family and friends and times when I was utterly alone.  Times when I broke His heart and times when I felt His true joy in my praises and prayers.    

  I am not the man or person I was when I first felt the presence of God enter my life, truly enter my life and I wept unashamedly as He became very real in my life. 

  Yeshua wants to be the hope and love for every single person in this world yet most will ignore His invitation for life and will instead choose death.  Sadly it will only be after dying that many will find out that Yeshua is pure love, unconditional love, He reaches to the lost, the hurting, the dying and tells all of us that He want's a relationship that is hard to explain but mind blowing to experience.  

 So my question for you and me is......

  Do you believe?