Yeshua's Love

Friday night but I'm still up.  Only because I don't have to be to work tomorrow.  Every four weeks I work Monday through Friday and then I'm off Saturday and Sunday.  Pretty sweet.  The down side is noticing how noisy the neighbors are.  I mean how loud do you have to talk that I can hear you when I live in the apartment above you?  Rhetorical question. Anyhow, so here I sit with my belly full of water which means around 2-3 trips to the bathroom throughout the night. Sigh.  My fault for drinking all the water though.   So as far as my work goes, I'm kinda burnt out at working at a call center but then again I'm not sure what I want to do with my life...or more to the point I'm not sure what God wants me to do with my life.  I seriously need to figure it out. Seriously. I know I want to minister to the GLBTQI community, to share the true love of Yeshua.  To be the light of God in this dark, cold world. To be a vessel ...

Hey Guys!   I'm baaaaccckkk!  Hahhahahahaha.  I bet you're pretty surprised to see a blog from me.  Well, as you may have surmised I fixed my computer (after all my mom did go out of her way to buy it for me so it's the least I could do).  I also got all set up with internet in my apartment, just today as a matter of fact.  So this year has come and not too much as happened. I got turned down for promotion at work a couple of times. I keep getting rejected by guys I find attractive. I started attending Life Church regularly in around May of this year and about a month later became a voluntary usher with the church. I really love this church. So amazing and the teaching hits home every single time. Also I have started hanging out with my beloved sister in Christ L (name not added for her protection and security).   As you can see I am typing this in December 2018 so Christmas is just around the corner.  I put up some lights an...

Here I sit at 6:40am at my job typing on a computer in our café.  It's a general use computer for my work.  I have not been on my laptop computer for a couple of months due to a cracked screen. Apparently the screen didn't take to kindly to my punching it out of frustration. Ironically no regrets.  Eventually I'll get it fixed but I'm in no hurry. It's amazing the journey God has brought me on. I have such a long way to go but I also know that God has brought me a long way as well.   So sleepy. Had an end-of-the-world dream last night complete with atom bombs and lava overflowing the city I was in. A couple of co-workers showed up in my dream. I went to a MCC church service in Albuquerque this past Sunday and loved it.  I was invited to bring my bass with me this coming Sunday.  Pretty stoked about that.  The service itself was quite lovely and I'm planning on becoming a member. I am so grateful to my...

So here I sit eating chocolate ice cream with a fork and watching the opening dance number from the movie Xanadu, "I'm Alive".  Love the dance movements in this video. As you know I haven't been blogging like I should or want.  I think about it all the time.  Depression is a heck of a thing to battle.  I just don't want to do anything.  Some may consider this laziness like I used to think it was. It's different though when I try to force myself to do things........even fun things and I start getting very anxious and a battle happens in my mind and I end up just staying home like I always do.. It's a chore to even go to the grocery or other errands I know I need to do.  I have to force myself. I'm revamping my life yet again. Can't help it. I'm constantly thinking of Yeshua and how I fail Him on a daily basis.  Sin, sin, sin. Sigh. I am also gearing up to being a vegan again. I will keep on until it finally sticks one day. This i...

I know it's been quite awhile since I've written anything and I'm sorry. I think about my blog all the time.  The trouble is that I am plagued with thoughts of, "Who am I to write anything?  What do I have to offer anyone?". So much hate in the world, so much evil.  I include myself in that previous statement.  Oh, my heart longs to be pure, my heart longs to be good...........every time I allow hate or wrongful anger to take control I wonder if I could ever be anything but what I see when I look at myself in the mirror. When people laugh at my jokes, when people smile at me, when people say I'm a "good person", I can't help but respond in my head, "I've fooled you.". I'm not good. I'm not. I want to be. I wish I was. What is a good person? I don't know. I'm a middle age man (hard to believe) and I still have no idea of what life is or how I should live it.  I think I'm pretty intelligent but ...

Because He is the best of me,  I am the best of Him.  In the midst of my anxiety, doubt and confusion He is the anchor in my storm I cry to the Lord and he heard my pain From the center of my heart He flooded  my being  as He wiped  away the tears and fear Another step down the road of life He surrounds me completely Like an breath bubble on the bottom of the ocean floor He is the best of me.

A SLIGHTLY BROADER VIEW For those of you who are a member of my group on FB I will post a video called " Morning Announcements - A Short Film About Homosexuality and the Roman Catholic Church "  It's a wonderful video and I highly recommend it.  As to this blog,........I feel compelled by the Spirit of God to continue on my blogs concerning love.  the love of God for us and love we have for one another. I remember Pastor J sharing with us the Greeks had four translations for the word love. * https://www.mcleanbible.org/sites/default/files/Multiply-Resources/Chap3/GreekWordsforLoveWS_Chapter3.pdf   1) Εροσ (Eros) i. This love is erotic love ii. Eros is a love of passion, an overmastering passion that seizes and absorbs itself into the mind. iii. It is a love that is an emotional involvement based on body chemistry. iv. The basic idea of this love is self-satisfaction. 1. Though Eros is directed towards another, it actually has self in mind....