The Evil Within

I know it's been quite awhile since I've written anything and I'm sorry.

I think about my blog all the time.  The trouble is that I am plagued with thoughts of, "Who am I to write anything?  What do I have to offer anyone?".

So much hate in the world, so much evil.  I include myself in that previous statement.  Oh, my heart longs to be pure, my heart longs to be good...........every time I allow hate or wrongful anger to take control I wonder if I could ever be anything but what I see when I look at myself in the mirror.

When people laugh at my jokes, when people smile at me, when people say I'm a "good person", I can't help but respond in my head, "I've fooled you.".

I'm not good.

I'm not.

I want to be.

I wish I was.

What is a good person?

I don't know.

I'm a middle age man (hard to believe) and I still have no idea of what life is or how I should live it.  I think I'm pretty intelligent but when I really try to make something of myself I constantly fail.

I can tell you without a doubt what I really am and if you have gotten this far you know..

I am a whiner..........sorry.

I'll stop now.

Maybe I'll gain some insight soon..........hopefully.


Hopefully.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Another rare blog

Image
 As you know I am really bad with keeping up with my blog.  Sigh.  Nothing new.  I occasionally think about posting something but then I am all like.........nah.  It's not like anyone reads my blogs anyway. So to catch you up to speed (yeah, I have no idea who I am talking to right now) but I left Social Security on June 30th of this year 2023.  Was unemployed till August then I got a part time job at Chili's as a food runner then also host.  Then in September I got on with Walmart as an overnight stocker but I am trying to go to closing cashier and the work load as a stocker is way too much for my body with all my various issues.  I have to face facts.  I am an old man and my diabetes and such make physical labor very hard.  Not impossible but it wears me out.       Sol enough whinning, there is way too much happening in the world for me to whine.   The number of natural disasters has dramatically increased...
Read more

Yeshua's Love

W E L C O M E Thank you for taking time to read my very first blog that is actually kick starting a new ministry by yours truly!  So, at this point I am desperately tying to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me in this new direction I am taking. I first and foremost want to honor Yeshua 100% completely.  It is only for His honor and glory that I do this.  It will be a daily challenge of seeking Him in all things. If for any reason I lose focus on Yeshua than it's better not to do this at all.  Keep in mind, that I NEED to do this.  There are so many reasons why and as time goes on I will share with you as I can and/or directed by the Holy Spirit.  Some of you may not understand that as this time but bare with me and we will walk this journey together.   So welcome! Welcome ALL!  Gender, race, sexual orientation, faith, and everything you can think of will NOT exclude you from being a part of this family. ...
Read more

Times New and Old

 I came here to type all the things there were floating around in my head.  Now that I sit to type they all evasively float away, not run or flee but float......just out of my reach, taunting, mocking.     So many things I wanted to write about but it's hard to organize the random thoughts.   Looking back at my childhood I now know I was in survival mode for lack of a better term.  Now here I am a middle age man. wondering how I got to be where I am.  Normally I would digress but tonight I am just leaving it up to you to fill in the blanks.     So many things happened in my childhood, so many things I don't remember.    After I gave my life to Yeshua I learned through the bible and teachings and preaching of the love of the Father.  I was thinking about this earlier and had come to a reality about my relationship with the Father which shocked me but made perfect sense,  Now I can't remember what it was.   I ...
Read more