Ramble On

Friday night but I'm still up.  Only because I don't have to be to work tomorrow.  Every four weeks I work Monday through Friday and then I'm off Saturday and Sunday. 

 Pretty sweet. 

 The down side is noticing how noisy the neighbors are.  I mean how loud do you have to talk that I can hear you when I live in the apartment above you?  Rhetorical question.

 Anyhow, so here I sit with my belly full of water which means around 2-3 trips to the bathroom throughout the night. Sigh.  My fault for drinking all the water though.  

 So as far as my work goes, I'm kinda burnt out at working at a call center but then again I'm not sure what I want to do with my life...or more to the point I'm not sure what God wants me to do with my life. 

 I seriously need to figure it out.

 Seriously.

 I know I want to minister to the GLBTQI community, to share the true love of Yeshua.  To be the light of God in this dark, cold world. To be a vessel where the healing love of God flows freely to all mankind. In this manner it has nothing at all to do with me and everything to do with Yeshua.  

 Everything. 

 I want to be that vessel molded in His image, empty of everything except Yeshua.

 Nothing but His love, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, and love poured out upon this world that so desperately needs Him.

 I need Him.

 I need Him more than water, air, food.

 I need Him every nano second of my life.

 I can not exist without Him.  I talk with Him, I think about Him, I try to do everything in my life to honor Him.

 I fail.

 Often.

 I'm ashamed.  

 Then He comes.  He holds me in His arms and He comforts me.  He wipes away my tears and loves me as I have never been loved by anyone else.  In His arms I am safe, I am loved, I am His.

 With any human who would give me a fraction of that love, I would be possessive of that love. I would try to keep it all to myself.  I would be jealous if any of "my" love were shared with anyone else.

 Yeshua is different.

 I want everyone to feel His love....to know His love. To be held in His arms. To have tears wiped away, to know true forgiveness, to know true compassion, to know true comfort and safety.  

 To know Yeshua.

 Yeshua.

 I love you now and forever and forever I pray we never part. 

 Amen, 

 Your loving servant for all eternity.
Kenneth Paul Maese

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